feeling

do you know how it feels
to be hated?

do you know how it feels
to hear whispers?

do you know how it feels
to dodge dirty looks?

do you know how it feels
to be completely ignored by a room full of people?

do you know how it feels
to only be acknowledged in public?

do you know how it feels
to have people plotting against you?

do you know how it feels
to seem:
worthless
insignificant
wrong.

do you know how it feels
to care about people that loathe you?

do you know how it feels
to be me in this?

do know how it feels
to know that everyone is rooting for you to fail?

do you know how it feels
to be:
lost
tired
lonely
frustrated
by this?

do you know it feels
to be me?

i think not-
if you did
i wouldn't feel so alone.

different

old fashioned
i'd say racist.

colors are beautiful
shades abound
black
white
brown
caramel

everywhere you look a new shade appears

color defines us
color rules our lives
we are
sorted
seperated
judged

love of culture runs deep
washed out skin-
can't understand
isn't the same
shouldn't be trusted

family norms.
excess baggage,

we are branded by our shades.
we can not escape.
they never leave us alone.

it shapes our lives

you can not hide from it
nor change.

we spend all our time saying:
you just don't understand what it's like to be...

i know how it feels to be different.

if you only look at the color of my skin-
you will never know me.

caught

you love me

but

you are caught
between
two worlds

split in half

old world
new world

longing
to
be
accepted
by
both

except

you love me

you can't decide-
where you fit.

pain
worry
fear
tear you up

but
you love me

you show it-

they're set in their ways

they refuse to see

they refuse to admit

that
you love me

fake

perception is reality
well
the reality you share

in public
you

smile
laugh
are friendly
caring

behind closed doors
you

control
manipulate
berate
demand

once out again
you are a proud peacock
while your family sits on the side

cringing at every approving glance

knowing the truth behind that face

seeing the evil within your soul.

you are not
honorable
or
repeatable

all you are is

fake.

unsure

we are taught to:
think for ourselves
forge our own paths
map out our destiny

except...

sometimes...

family does not agree
they're needs trump our own.

our voice is
quieted
muffled
silenced

until
we are unable to think for ourselves

then, we are their pawn
waiting to find which direction to move in.

what kind of life is that?

wondering

why
can't you find your strength?

why
won't you think for yourself?

why
do they refuse to let you go?

why
is it impossible for you to leave?

why
can only the youngest ones see
are they the only ones with eyes
where did they learn acceptance?

why
is everyone so close minded?

why
are you scared?

why
are you so scared?

why
are you so scared?

what do you think will happen?

calm

settling in
back to normal

only not-
really

questions loom
feelings the same

back to normal-
only not.

is this normal?
what is normal?

change
acceptance
approval

where are you?