crushing

frustrated.

seriously
totally
frustrated.

i am always strong
you are always weak

the weight is suffocating

sometimes
just sometimes

i want to be
the weak one.

then you'll know

the weight
that is bearing down on me
every single day.

then maybe--
just maybe-
you'll understand
when i am weak.

hiding

you are
a turtle in its shell
an ostrich with its head in the ground.

avoiding
ignoring
retreating

hiding
doesn't make things better
it gets
worse.
much worse

until

you
have
nowhere
left
to hide

exposed
to the harsh
light
of reality

alone
afraid.
you'll try to hide

but

there is
nowhere
to go.

except-
to
stand up
and
be the person
you are supposed to be

only then
will you
truly come
out of
hiding

change

ingrained ways
thoughts
feelings
ideas
beliefs

not your own
can't let go

you
want
need
long
desire

change

take-
the
first
step.

change

lost
on how
lost

travelling blindly
fighting  demons
gaining strength

change
is
hard

you must
change

to live
your life.

step
into
the
unknown.

change
your life
to
what you want

just
take
the first
terrifying step
into
the unknown.

then the next.

it
will
get
easier.

weight
will lift

change
bring
relief
and
hope.

stunned

words are powerful
words are comforting

they rip you open,
leave you raw.

asking questions
wondering why

words leave you
isolated
secluded
alone

vulnerable

words
separate
discriminate

but

the spoken
are not as powerful

as the silent
looks
stares
judgments
calculating

eyes like knives
piercing your soul

leaving scars
that can never be healed

all because

you are not right
wrong.
can never be right.

i was made that way.
i will never change.

but you will have to.

growing

relax
let go

children grow
older
stronger
to their own person

new experiences
new places

you raise them
to be on their own
and
to come back to you

being away
isn't forgetting

so
relax
let go
it is supposed to be this way.

feeling

do you know how it feels
to be hated?

do you know how it feels
to hear whispers?

do you know how it feels
to dodge dirty looks?

do you know how it feels
to be completely ignored by a room full of people?

do you know how it feels
to only be acknowledged in public?

do you know how it feels
to have people plotting against you?

do you know how it feels
to seem:
worthless
insignificant
wrong.

do you know how it feels
to care about people that loathe you?

do you know how it feels
to be me in this?

do know how it feels
to know that everyone is rooting for you to fail?

do you know how it feels
to be:
lost
tired
lonely
frustrated
by this?

do you know it feels
to be me?

i think not-
if you did
i wouldn't feel so alone.

different

old fashioned
i'd say racist.

colors are beautiful
shades abound
black
white
brown
caramel

everywhere you look a new shade appears

color defines us
color rules our lives
we are
sorted
seperated
judged

love of culture runs deep
washed out skin-
can't understand
isn't the same
shouldn't be trusted

family norms.
excess baggage,

we are branded by our shades.
we can not escape.
they never leave us alone.

it shapes our lives

you can not hide from it
nor change.

we spend all our time saying:
you just don't understand what it's like to be...

i know how it feels to be different.

if you only look at the color of my skin-
you will never know me.