pressure

pressure
pain
stress

crack

pressure
pressure

pain

crack

my time
gone

your time
dominates
my
every
waking
moment--
interrupts
my: sleep
       thoughts
       dreams

burrowing holes
building rigids

between

my needs
and
your demands

crack
pressure
break

are
you happy
now?

any moment

for my friend ruth.

stop
now
just stop

you're not right
in fact---
you're far from it

talking heads 
strutting around
like
proud peacocks
making proclamations
changing ways 

anger
resentment
frustration
stress
bubbling under the surface

the scale
tipping ever so slightly
towards
total anarchy and destruction

molten lava
pulsating under the surface
threatening to erupt

any moment

talking heads
stuck in the clouds
blind eyes
deaf ears

hurting
damaging
destroying
all that has been good

you will push us too far
and
then

will you be able to pick up the pieces alone? 

crushing

frustrated.

seriously
totally
frustrated.

i am always strong
you are always weak

the weight is suffocating

sometimes
just sometimes

i want to be
the weak one.

then you'll know

the weight
that is bearing down on me
every single day.

then maybe--
just maybe-
you'll understand
when i am weak.

hiding

you are
a turtle in its shell
an ostrich with its head in the ground.

avoiding
ignoring
retreating

hiding
doesn't make things better
it gets
worse.
much worse

until

you
have
nowhere
left
to hide

exposed
to the harsh
light
of reality

alone
afraid.
you'll try to hide

but

there is
nowhere
to go.

except-
to
stand up
and
be the person
you are supposed to be

only then
will you
truly come
out of
hiding

change

ingrained ways
thoughts
feelings
ideas
beliefs

not your own
can't let go

you
want
need
long
desire

change

take-
the
first
step.

change

lost
on how
lost

travelling blindly
fighting  demons
gaining strength

change
is
hard

you must
change

to live
your life.

step
into
the
unknown.

change
your life
to
what you want

just
take
the first
terrifying step
into
the unknown.

then the next.

it
will
get
easier.

weight
will lift

change
bring
relief
and
hope.

stunned

words are powerful
words are comforting

they rip you open,
leave you raw.

asking questions
wondering why

words leave you
isolated
secluded
alone

vulnerable

words
separate
discriminate

but

the spoken
are not as powerful

as the silent
looks
stares
judgments
calculating

eyes like knives
piercing your soul

leaving scars
that can never be healed

all because

you are not right
wrong.
can never be right.

i was made that way.
i will never change.

but you will have to.

growing

relax
let go

children grow
older
stronger
to their own person

new experiences
new places

you raise them
to be on their own
and
to come back to you

being away
isn't forgetting

so
relax
let go
it is supposed to be this way.